it8bit:

NES vs. Converse

Created by Andrew Lockhart

Sometimes that is all you can do. The only woman I’ve ever fallin in love with is heart broken. I’ve been trying to be there for her but sometimes she doesn’t want to be comforted. Just left alone. It breaks my heart to see her in so much pain. I feel like I can’t do anything to help. I know what she is going through though. I basically lost a whole family one summer do to our seperation and I acted like after 2 years I was over it but I wasn’t. Still struggled with it. Still struggling. Her and her brother were so close, my brother in law. I’m lucky now since him and I grew apart but I always wanted to just come see him and play video games. I never did. My pride got in the way. That pride makes it easier for me now. For her though…it’s not easy. All I want to do is take her pain away. I want to be there for her in any way, sometimes that just means not doing anything. Not even a hug or hand to hold or an ear to listen. Instead just tears. I know the feeling so I don’t push to help more. I know the feeling of just wanting to let everything go and try to get it all out to let the pain stop. I know the feeling that one shouldn’t have to feel this and waking up tomorrow won’t be easier than waking up today. It will be a while before it gets easier. I can be here for her when she needs me, the other times all I can do is nothing.

I don’t now what is happening. All these old feelings have come back up..then again I’m not sure how many of them left. good and bad feelings. Feelings that made me fall in love. Feelings that made me enjoy so much. Then feelings of the hurt. Feelings of what it looked like was really going on. I don’t think I’m a complicated guy. I feel like I’m in a complicated situation.
Part of the complication is that I keep thinking of the girl I was getting closer to. So now I have her on my mind and all these feelings from my past coming up. I want to be hanging out with her more right now but my brother in laws death has me spending a lot of time with his family…and his sister whom I married. Reason for all the old feelings.
I’m spending all this time with them because I care. Maybe I care too much. I always put others before me and things now seem complicated because of it.

It has me thinking of a lot of different things. How much I miss my brother in law. How much I miss this family. How much I miss how things used to be. The thoughts I had about the future have changed. This is going to be the summer of the Burr’s. This summer is going to be spending a lot of time with family I should’ve never stopped seeing or hanging out with. The closeness with everyone has been awesome. Slept the best last night I have in a while. Life has changed. I’m going to make things better.

my former brother in law passed away saturday morning. it hurts. i feel guilty though that it doesn’t hurt more. 2 years ago i had to go through the feelings of not being able to hangout with him. now some of the people i love the most are hurting in so many ways and i don’t hurt like them. i want him back just the same. dude was awesome. he was still family to me. i hate i lost touch with him. its been months since i talked to him. i had no idea what he was going through. i lost so much touch wtih all of them. i love them all so freakin much. i feel like an outsider yet being in the thick of it just as well. i don’t know what to do. i don’t want people to feel sorry for me, i want them to grieve for the family yet i want to talk to someone. this isn’t right. i don’t know what i’m supposed to think or feel or do.

lookatthisfrakkinggeekster:

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES Trailer #3!!!

so dope!! i can’t wait to see this!!

todays message in church has me really thinking. all day. the message was “I choose Jesus” and i do. i try to live my life to not be a hypocrite. trouble is, lately my quiet time hasn’t been there. i haven’t spent personal time, my own time with God. i’ve gone to do so many other things. i need to fix that. Christ needs to not just be in my public life but my private life as well. i don’t spend enough time with him on my own. this is the week to fix that.

(via 2nd-chances)

i don’t know what to do. i don’t know what is best. i have worries and they are just stupid. the worries would be figured out over time. part of me wants to just dig right in while the other part wants to just chill for a while longer. i hate my analytical mind sometimes. i think too much. i have to think about my needs over my wants and i’m not sure i know where that line is with somethings. my past is not the problem. my past is not in the way. my future is what i’m thinking about. what is dumbest of it all is i’m looking way down the road and not the steps in front of me. if i look at the steps right in front of me everything seems ok. i could you a coffee talk wtih my buddy J. i want to make a choice real soon…like now. i always thought this could happen, but i honestly never thought it would. i never thought i would be in this position and that is why this is so confussing. maybe a run and i’ll feel better, maybe i’ll get the answer i want.

triplee:

My fourth solo album, “The Good Life” has officially been released! Buy the album from iTunes here. You can also pick the album up in stores at Lifeway, Family Christian, Mardel, and Target & Wal-Mart (select stores).

Also, you can watch the new video for “I’m Good” featuring Lecrae

Been exercising more lately and eating better. Playing more basketball and doing pull ups. Today I just ran 5k. Why? Her. That may sound really stupid. At first I told myself it was. Why try to get into shape for a woman? Well I look at it this way, I need to do more to be healthy. Now I just have a motivator. Once in a rhythm it won’t matter if nothing happens with us, I’ll still excersize. I like I’m making my life better regardless of why. No woman has done that before for me. Funny thing about it, I wrote months ago about this. I was writing in a journal and said I admired her being in shape because I knew it would make me want to get into shape. I like this pursuit. I like the speed things are right now. I like that she is making me look at my life and try to be a better person, not for her but over all. I really enjoy how all this is going.

it8bit:

The Starry Night

Created by Jaebum Joo

Website || Blog 

(via travelthirst)

over a month ago a friend gave me some advice that i have taken since then. problem is that since that trip to TX things have become different and i want to forget that advice. i find myself wanting to put myself on the line and risk it. risk opening myself up and possibly losing a good friendship either now or later. but i risk the possibility of something great by doing nothing. a catch-22. i always say “i’ll see how this lunch goes and then decide” but every time i get to lunch, my mind goes into this weird abyss of stupidity. i forget all that i wanted to say or i get too nervous. its refreshing to feel this way in one sense. especially since this woman isn’t a normal woman. we are supposed to eat a meal soon to catch up from the week she was gone. this meal will be different. i think. i hope. i don’t know. i think i might just be scared of starting something new with a woman and it become great and i mess it up. my mind is going crazy. so i take a deep breath and trust God. He knows what He’s doing. its all in His hands and a part of His plan.